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10 PRN Doses of Medicinal Humor

10 PRN Doses of Medicinal Humor

  • Older people shouldn’t eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get. [Robert Orben] My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel 10 years older already. [Milton Berle] Food is an important part of a balanced diet. [Fran Lebowitz]
  • Telling signs on office doors: Maternity: “Push. Push. Push.” Endoscopy: “To expedite your visit, please back in.” Optometry: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.” Gynecology: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.” Podiatry: “Time wounds all heels.”
  • Slightly doctored consultations: Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed 10 quarters? Nurse: No change yet. Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in? Doctor: A shoebox. Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer. Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more? Doctor: Sell! Why did the guru refuse Novocaine when he went to his dentist? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
  • Actual notes doctors have written on patients’ medical charts: Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-lb weight gain in the past 3 days. While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. She is numb from her toes down. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
  • The CEO of a large HMO dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter shows him to a lovely villa, wonderful music, great views, full staff of servants, gourmet meals, etc. The CEO says, "This is terrific!" "Don't get too comfortable," says St. Peter. "You're only approved for a three-day stay."
  • Comedian Steven Wright weighs in with some semi-clinical wit and wisdom: • The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. • Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. • I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. • The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. • All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
  • And, speaking of medicine: Minor surgery is an operation performed on somebody else.--Anonymous. According to hospital insurance codes, there are 9 different ways you can be injured by turtles.—Wall Street Journal I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.—Dave Barry I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?—Jay London
  • Doctors operate on their own terms: Idioms particular to the medical profession: Botulism: a tendency to make mistakes Intestine: currently taking an exam Cardiology: Advanced study of card playing Inpatient: tired of waiting. Rectum: Damn near killed ‘em Cat scan: searching for kitty. Pathological: a reasonable way to go.
  • Testy transcriptions: Dictated: using a beta blocker for rate control. Transcribed: using a beta blocker for weight control. Dictated: outcome was a baby weighing 4.010 kg. Transcribed: outcome was a baby weighing 4010 kg. Dictated: rapid strep. Transcribed: rabbit strep. Dictated: patient had large expulsive bowel movements. Transcribed: patient had large explosive bowel movements. Dictated: testes are descended. Transcribed: testes are distended
  • Post-millennial child development milestones: 4 yrs: Can hit “like” 5 yrs: Can write nonsense words in comment box 6 yrs: Can post comments 7 yrs: Can post status 8 yrs: Can tag friends 9 yrs: Can upload pictures 10 yrs: Starting to use foul words in comments 11 yrs: Could achieve 5000K friends 12 yrs: Can “Share” this post

Laughter is significantly superior to many other remedies for human ills and is available, without an Rx, 24/7/365. Our first medical humor slide show was a great success, proving that those who practice medicine enjoy a good laugh about medicine, and even about themselves.

Because we still believe laughter is good medicine for you as well as your patients, we offer medical humor slideshow #2, above—a new selection of chart bloopers, one-liners, transcription errors, and a little stand-up culled from a multitude of sources for your edification and amusement.

 

Comments

A man goes to a surgery and complaints: 'It's impossible to me saying 'Frederic'. The man behind desk tells him: 'please repeat with me: 'Frederic', the man says: 'Frederic', and the consulted professional responds: you said it perfectly, but anyway, take one of these pills with a sip of water every morning.
When at home, the man says to his wife: 'Joan, open the frederic door and give me a bottle of cold water from inside, I have to take a pill I was prescribed'

Jose @

A patient was given Haloperidol instead of Allopurinol in a pharmacy office, when akathisia begun, he increased dose in two 10 mg tablets a day more.
'The patient had an incurable disease, as evidenced by the fact of having died'.
'Lawyer's mistakes are covered with money, those of physicians, with ground'.
A married woman, having three children, attended an ER, she complained that, when in bed with her husband and making love, suddenly, she felt heat coming from bottom to top, and her heart started racing. She said: 'after this, I felt very well, but as this had never happened to me before, I feared it could be something bad'.
In a radio station, someone indicated having lost his love to his wife when in the wedding night, he discovered 'she wasn't narrow', lots of phone calls followed, asking for the meaning of 'narrow' in that comment.
'When women start claiming for equality with men, they want being over men'. (Socrates)
A nominated miss, when asked if she had a boyfriend, said: 'His name is Paco, and I don't say anything more, he's married'

Jose @

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