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10 Worst Medical Sentences Ever Written

10 Worst Medical Sentences Ever Written

  • ©Kucher Serhii/shutterstock.com
    And now . . . (arguably) the 10 worst medical sentences ever written.
  • ©schankz/shutterstock.com
    “Therefore, follow abnormal ears until they become normal.”
  • ©Olivier Le Queinec/shutterstock.com
    “The sex ratio is predominately male.”
  • ©nobeastsofierce/shutterstock.com
    “The subjects viewed sexually stimulated movies in private and were encouraged to stimulate to the point of organism.”
  • ©Photographee.eu/shutterstock.com
    “It is usually necessary to obtain information from institutions involved in the medical care of deceased relatives.”
  • ©Kiselev Andrey Valerevich/shutterstock.com
    “A 25-year-old smoking male.”
  • ©vidguten/shutterstock.com
    “Carbamazepine has become the drug of choice for neurologists.”
  • ©Mikko Lemola/shutterstock.com
    “My general practice as a geneticist is to document the risks I offer to families.”
  • ©Everett Historical/shutterstock.com
    “Even more important is to consider the patient suspected of carbon monoxide poisoning.”
  • ©PathDoc/shutterstock.com ©CREATISTA/shutterstock.com
    “Standing behind the patient, with knees straight, they should bend over.”
  • ©Image Point Fr/shutterstock.com
    “Most of us have little difficulty diagnosing the child who presents . . . ”

And now . . . for a little light summer reading . . . we reveal 10, uh, sentences dissected from articles submitted by physicians to this Web site over the years. We think you’ll agree that none of these sentences will win Nobel prizes in medicine, but we present them here in unadulterated (and unedited) form in the hope that you’ll enjoy them as much as we did.

Here’s a sneak preview:

“The only comforting factor to me is that my patient has a better chance of getting killed on the way to the drugstore to buy the drug than he does by actually taking it.”

 

Comments

One of my patients told me he works out daily on his epileptical machine. A female patient wrote on her new patient paperwork that she has a history of fibro-optic breast disease! Love these! Keep them coming! We Docs need a good belly laugh sometimes. It's good for the soul!

DEEYA @

Too true. They come to me on so many toxic....I cant.
I know a pharmacist who is looking to change careers; says she feels like a prostitute.

Diana @

These are funny! Good to laugh☺️

arlene @

These are funny! Good to laugh☺️

arlene @

one of my early surgical dictations which typically start with "the patient was brought to the operating room placed on the operating table in the supine position and prepped and draped in the usual fashion".....the transcriptionist slipped and I got "prepped and raped in the usual fashion". I had nightmares of the trial lawyer grilling me on the stand ....."so doctor please explain to us just what is your usual fashion of raping the patient?"

James @

yes ive been tempted to written something similar when these super analytical patients grill me on extremely rare side effects of drugs that you as a physician will never occur , but they are convinced it will and want 15 minutes extra on my time for me to explain to them why they wont't

Greg @

My first ever dictation returned with the following under Past Medical History:
Polycythemia Vera treated with serial lobotomy.

Susan @

Dictated evaluate with bronch and Ebus.. It typed ..Evaluate bra with nevus .

Shabana @

this is yet another reason why patients should not have access to their medical records. They see in transcription error like these, and jump all over their medical providers. Not realizing how many records we deal with any given day. every patient has one doctor, not realizing we have hundreds of patients every week.

William @

get it right then

p @

I was an early adopter of voice recognition . stating that a patient was allergic to Keflex resulted in ithe unfortunate transcription that she was allergic to Catholics.

better yet when I called the company that made the software, they asked what region of the country I was from. when I said Western Pennsylvania, they replied, that's your problem.that was pretty much the end of the discussion. Apparently we have a strange dialect/accent that the software can't interpret.

occasionally it interprets the word keflex as cat licks also. and yes I have spent much time training at over the past 6 years. I have a high quality microphone. Etc etc.

William @

keep a litter box next to machine

ALAN @

Transciption errors do commonly occur;bologna amputation for below knee amputation; A-hole plate for 8 hole plate.

David @

Touche. Quite masterful.

William @

but wouldn't a dude have to go to a urologist for a Bologna amputation? LOL

William @

transcriptionists once transcribed the following sentence for me. "The patient complained of reptile dysfunction." Of course I said erectile dysfunction. An understandable mistake. He did have a problem with his pet snake. I can't make this stuff up

William @

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